Stay Away From Me.

Hello there.

I hope you all are having a great Tuesday and keeping cool in this heat.  In Dallas (or Texas altogether – and in some parts of OK), this is a hard hard battle.

Just a little background on how I’ve been – in case you’re curious.

I have turned into a monster.  Absolutely a monster.

Example 1.  Breakfast with Binks.

I messed up banana pancakes.  Note to future self and you (if you mess up pancakes, which you probably do not):  if you have too much banana mush in the pancake batter, it’s a no go.  

Me:  Ugh.  I can’t get anything right.  (At the top of my lungs.)

Binks:  It’s okay, we can order in breakfast.

Me:  I don’t want to order in breakfast.  I can’t cook ANYTHING.  (While nibbling at seemingly edible parts of pancake, which are really just not.)

Binks:  You are a great cook.  Let’s just go get breakfast.  We can get donuts if you want.  This conversation was pre-this.

Me:  (Just straight bat-sh#t screaming)  I don’t want any f#cking donuts!!  I want my mother f#cking banana pancakes.  I want to be able to cook some normal banana pancakes.

Binks looks on in horror.  After 30 minutes, I stop yelling and we get donuts.  Glazed because my failed attempts at banana pancakes make me undeserving of anything else.

Example 2.  The Towel Rack

Binks:  (While in the shower.)  Can you get me a towel.

Me:  (Walking over to the single towel rack in the bathroom.)  Sure.  (Upon noticing the towel rack.)  Why are there THREE towels on this towel rack?

Binks:  What?

Me:  There are THREE towels on this towel rack.

Binks:  So they can dry.

Me:  So, you think towels dry when they are sandwiched on top of each other?  Is that how towels dry?  Do you understand that any more than TWO towels on this rack will cause the whole thing to come out of the wall?

Binks:  No it wont.

Me:  It won’t?  Oh yeah?  Well look at this!  (Me, attempting to jam all three towels back into the towel rod, which don’t fit and just fall on the floor.)  F#CK!!!!

Binks:  (Smirks a bit.)

Me:  Oh you think this is funny?  You want to do major construction on the house during this time?!

Binks:  It’s not major construction.  If it breaks, I will fix it.

Me:  I don’t want you to fix it.  I don’t want it to be broken at all!  (Yelling from me.  I walk out, slam the door – towels laying on the bathroom floor.)

Binks:  (Looks on in horror from the shower.)

Example 3.  Listen Lady, Don’t Pet My Dog

This week, due to the intense heat, we are taking our dog to a day care so he can play inside instead of suffering outside.  I arrive at the day care center to fill out paperwork and this lady keeps calling Wally over to pet him.  Well, as she is doing this, he keeps going and jerking my hand as I fill out paperwork and have his medical records and my purse in the other. God must have been with her because I didn’t yell at her – although I wanted to.  Rather, I said (in not so much of an inside voice), “Wally SIT DOWN.”  The lady never called him again.

I am convinced that the pregnancy hormones are just further irritated by this heat.

Or I need an exorcism.

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18 Comments

Filed under Life, Pregnancy

18 responses to “Stay Away From Me.

  1. haha these stories made me laugh 🙂 just blame it all on baby and move on!

  2. LOL- sorry to hear that you are so cranky lately! but it is what happens. I’m sorry for poor Wally too… he just wanted a friend! I know how annoying that is, too. Whenever someone does that to me, I tell them “He can’t play until [whatever needs to be done is done].” and they usually get the hint.

    Hang in there!

  3. Hilarious. 🙂

    I’ve been a bit of a bear lately, and I don’t have anything like your reason (at least, I don’t *think* so.. hmm..). 😉

    Hang in there, mama!
    ~

  4. OMG this is awesome. Sorry to be laughing at you….errr…..with you. But then again, you’re not laughing. Ok, sorry, I can say I enjoyed this post.

    “I don’t want any f#cking donuts”

    Classic, hope it gets better 🙂

  5. Haha, this made me laugh! The heat turns me into a monster too 🙂 I hope for your (and Binks’) sake, the banana pancakes turn out next time, hehe!

  6. Haha… awww I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe! I don’t want you to yell at me so I’ll just say good post! 🙂

  7. LOL! you sound like me on a regular day.
    p.s.my triglycerides are too low. Wasn’t absorbing any fat. Crazy! it all has to do with that stupid gall bladder thing.
    I hope you feel better soon!

  8. Hm, pregnancy hormones? What’s my excuse then??

  9. i know i shouldn’t laugh but seriously? this is hysterical. i get like this all the time and i’m not pregnant! i go bat sh@# crazy when i try to cook something and it doesn’t turn out so i can totally relate. and as i’m freaking out ali’s just looking at me like why the hell didn’t we just go out?

    heat + pregnancy is a recipe for bitchiness. i think anyone in your shoes would be the same way!

    i’m praying for a cool front in dallas. asap.

  10. At least your hormones produce hilarity. But…I’m not preggo so what’s my excuse for this type of behavior? 😉

  11. Awww, at least you have a good excuse… The best excuse ever!

  12. Hahaha! Oh my gracious, wow. Well now I can be well prepared what to look forward to when my time comes. 😉

  13. Pingback: Pumpkin Pancakes | OliePants

  14. Pingback: Home Fries | OliePants

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