I accept I am with child.
I accept that the baby is growing.
I accept that my body will change.
I accept that the baby is mine.
There are certain things that I have not come to terms with.
1. I have a beer belly. So most people would expect this yes, but I have not. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I notice that things are expanding in the tummy region. Funny as it is, years of trying to get in shape immediately causes me to think, “Geez, you need to eat better and exercise more.” It’s a losing battle for the next 5 months. It takes Binks to remind me that there is a wee one in there. And by remind I mean everyday two-three times a day.
2. I need new clothes. This relates to #1. As a lot of my clothes are already loose, I keep thinking, I’ll wait until I can’t fit into my clothes to buy new ones. Let me tell you why this is dumb. Just because I can fit into my jeans/pants/etc. standing up, doesn’t mean that it feels so wonderful sitting down. So, for the past week, I have been unbuttoning my pants while seated. (Insert judgment here.) Tis not a pretty sight my friends. Thank goodness I have my own office and I own my own firm and I work with my husband.
3. I have gas. I know TMI. I apologize. This speaks for itself. I keep saying – Oh, I must have eaten something bad. Binks just rolls his eyes – from halfway across the room at that point.
4. My boobs are huge. And don’t get me started on the n-word. Again, TMI – I apologize. But we’re all friends right? Pre-pregnancy, I had some knockers, let me tell ya! Let’s say I understand Jessica Simpson’s pain. I didn’t like it then, and I certainly don’t like it now. And have they grown. The first three months were a disaster because they would be large and extremely sore. Luckily the latter part has subsided. And again, as for the n-word, it’s like watching a tattoo spread in shapes and change colors that you don’t even want to describe. Again, I apologize.
5. I get tired. Like early. I’m usually an 11 p.m. sleeper but lately, it’s been 9:30 p.m. at the latest. It’s a great thing.
6. Things hurt. Aside from #4 issues, my back and my joints hurt. Things are popping. Not in a pop-and-lock way but an “I’m-falling-apart” way. Silver lining: I get back massages almost every day.
7. The scale is increasing. Oh Lord, don’t even get me started on this mess. I know it’s baby weight, but because I, like others, have been taught to care what the scale says, the number is climbing and I’m panicking. I’ve learned to calm down as my clothes fit almost everywhere except my boobs (see #4) and belly (see #1), which only really leaves my arms and calves. Oy ve.
8. I have to tell people I’m pregnant. It’s a weird thing. Let me tell you. When you get engaged, you can show someone a ring or someone will notice. Here, there is no proper way to ease into it, and you don’t really want to wait until someone will notice. So, I’ve been saying ridiculous things like this: “I’m with child.” “Turns out I’m knocked up.” Thank God for good and understanding friends!
9. Crazy Dreams. My dreams are wicked. Insane. Crazy. I dreamt that someone was trying to steal my baby a la Rosemary’s Baby, and I was planning an escape route. That’s a tame one. It is nuts.
10. I will be a good mom. I’m a mess. A hot mess. I forget my cell phone in the car. I forget whether I closed the garage completely, thus having to turn around just to be sure. Did I mention I’m also OCD? I leave dishes in the sink sometimes because I’m too tired to wash them that night. I don’t cook dinner every night. I mean compared to my mom, I’m a disaster. My mom had a fresh-cooked meal for us every night. She never forgot anything for her, my dad or for us kids. She always washed the dishes no matter how tired she was. I fear that I might be too selfish.
All in all, this is probably one of the best experiences of my life. I have not felt so much fear, joy, anxiety, and excitement all at one time.
And, most of all, I’m really glad that I have you to share it with. Thank you for listening! :)